Okay ladies,
I bet you thought I was missing in action or that I had given up on this crazy 40 and Fabulous adventure. But I assure you I have not. While my excuse for why I have been missing in action is lame, the best way to explain it to you is like this:
Have you ever had a friend or relative who only calls when things are going good? You can almost bet that things aren't on the up and up when you don't get that weekly phone call to hear how great life is, or you don't see as many FB posts about the great meals they've cooked and all of the cool places they are hanging out.
Or, how about that friend who only calls to vent about their relationship problems and ask for your advice? You advise her to "drop that zero and get herself a hero." The conversation ends on a positive note with you feeling like you've done a good deed by helping her drop some dead weight, only to find out months later that she totally ignored your advice, support and encouragement and took him back?
You don't hear from her for a long time. She is ashamed because she knows that despite having your support, she has fallen off the wagon. Sounds familiar?
Well, I have not exactly fallen off the wagon, but I am certainly close to touching the ground. Don't get me wrong, I am still exercising (not to the extent that I should be) but I am also having my cake and eating it too.
And here lies the problem ... the cake, the cookies and don't forget Cold Stone's Peanut Butter Perfection because you know I "love it." If it has chocolate or yeast in it, I have eaten it. I have been telling myself that I can have those things because I am exercising vigorously. However, I have reached a point where I am literally exercising to maintain my current weight.
My last weigh in showed that I gained fat and muscle. My doctor was so confused about the results that she weighed me three times. I pretended to be just as dumbfounded as she was as she studied the results.
But the guilt got the best of me. Eventually I had to confess my sins and admit the guilt. I have been eating s'mores and pastries of all sorts. My thought process was, "as long as I am working out, I can eat what I want." Clearly that theory has not worked well for me.
Last month I had the nerve to step foot into Extraordinary Desserts days before my big run in the Navy's annual POW/MIA 5K. It's a 3-mile run that should have been a piece of cake, no pun intended.
To make matters worse, I invited two other friends and hubby to tag along with me. Boy was I being cocky. Prior to the race, one of our friends, hubby and I made a pack to stick together no matter what. I was only a mile in when I started to struggle, my breathing was out of control and I had slowed to pretty much a walk. Surely I thought I was going to die. A bit over dramatic, but true.
Our friend and hubby were determined to keep their end of the bargin despite my plea for them to run ahead. But even the friend had to draw the line somewhere when people walking with baby strollers started to pass us. I walked a bit and eventually found my groove around the 2-mile mark and pushed on to finished the race at my slowest pace ever.
Sadly, this embarrassing feat didn't serve as my wake up call that my "eat-whever-I-want" attitude was not working for me? Nope, just recently I made a trip all the way up to La Jolla for a Red Velvet Cupcake from Sprinkles.
Umm, umm! It was good. I felt no shame or guilt either. But, humility finally showed up during my bootcamp session as I struggled to do the various exercises. I could just feel the lard used to make the cupcake spilling out over my over waistline as I tried, but to no avail, to do as many burpies as I could in 30 seconds, then sprint a few yards and back.
It was after several sets of exercises like that, that I realized something has got to give. My addiction to sweets is so strong that no pill or amount of exercise can get this monkey off my back. All I can do is pray. Prayer for myself is something that I have forgotten to do.
As I mentioned in my last blog, I really believe that my faith in God will be the source of my success. So what is my plan to get me back on the right track, you ask?
I am going to ask you to pray for me (if you believe in God. If not, send good vibes my way) as I continue on my Journey to being 40 and Fabulous. Pray that not only will I rid myself of this sweet tooth, but that I gain discipline in the areas of healthy eating habits, challenging myself in my exercise and in making time to spend with God each day.
My second plan of action is to successfuly complete this new book called Made To Crave that I am studying in my weekly Mom's group. I am only a few chapters in and I am already excited about what is to come. I thank you in advance for your support.
