Never Again Volunteer Yourself

Honor, Courage and Commitment. These are the core values that make up the characteristics of a good Sailor in the United States Navy. The same can be said for family members of said Sailor, especially the spouse.

At least, that is how my husband explained it to me soon after we were married. We hadn’t even checked out of our hotel room before he broke the news to me.

“Welcome to the Navy!” he said proudly. “You are officially a military dependent! You represent me, and everything you and our (future children) do reflects on me, so always be on your best.”

"Hold up! Wait a minute! Nobody said anything about having children! And what’s this business about being a dependent? I, Nicole Jackson, I mean Jackson-Trull am not dependent upon anyone!"

In fact, I am the bread winner, so how does that equate to me being his dependent? Um, excuse me God, I’d like a do over.

Okay, so I didn’t quite say those words to his face, but that’s what ran through my mind as he told it to me some 15 years ago.

At age 27, I had dated my share of frogs before my prince came along, so I was certain that I had not rushed to judgment …this was the man that I wanted to marry. No other would do. But I have to tell you, after hearing this dependent nonsense, I absolutely was thinking, as an intelligent, educated woman, I certainly should have read the fine print better.

And so begins the story of my abrupt introduction into life as a Navy wife. This certainly is no easy task as any spouse married to someone in the military will tell you, but it certainly takes a lot of honor, courage and commitment to hold such a title.

　
If someone would have told me 20 years ago that I would be living the life that I live now, I would not have believed it. You see, for as long as I could remember, I swore that I would never get married or have kids. I would live shacked up with a guy, by my choice, of course. I would be doing the lawyer/writer thing, conquering the world and taking no prisoners.

Married to a Navy man and working for free as a stay-at home mom with a 9, 10 and 18-year-old, my life couldn’t be further from that young girl’s way of thinking. Strangely, I don’t know how my current situation came to be.

I do recall meeting the man of my dreams, falling in love and vowing to Honor him and follow him wherever he goes. And six months into our marriage when the time came for us to pack up and go, I had to make good on my promise because “We go wherever the Navy sends us,” my husband says, every time I asked if we could choose someplace tropical like Hawaii.

And so, I went ...from boon sticks of North Carolina to the middle of the Mojave desert. We've crissed-crossed the U.S. and then some. The first time we moved, I had to do it alone and boy was I scared. I had to drive from Yuma, Ariz. to Pensacola, Fla. where hubby was finishing up his schooling to become an aircrewman. It was just me and the cat. 

It took some Courage and after 13 years of moving every couple of years and experiencing a whole lot of firsts without hubby, everything in between just seems to be a blur. People say to me all of the time, "I don't know how you do it?"

Well, my answer is," neither do I." I just do it because whatever "it" is, it has to be done. But I can't take all of the credit for having the will or the courage to live this sort of lifestyle. It's only through the Grace of God that I survive whatever comes my way. You can call it Courage or divine intervention.

All that I know is in an instant, I went from being a fabulous diva (as you can see I am still working on humility) with an exciting journalism career to a military dependent with not one or two, but three children attached to my hip at every turn. The life that I carefully planned out on the pages of my Josten’s Senior Scrapbook quickly faded and reality has slapped me hard in the face.

I’ll admit that I am still a diva on the inside, it’s just that the outter diva could use a little work. Let’s face it, it’s hard to look your best when you have dried baby food on your shirt and water colors in place of nail polish on your fingertips.

As for my current job situation, it’s really difficult to hold on to a good job when you have to move every 2-3 years. And we weren't even lucky enough to get a big city like San Diego. We always landed ourselves in an area that required a two-hour drive to the nearest airport or mall.

I know what you're thinking, that's great because you probably saved more money not living near a mall. But the fact of the matter is you can rack up a pretty hefty bill when you are bored and all there is to do is stroll the aisles of Walmart.

With each change of duty station, the offering pay for a reporter at a small-circulation newspaper got smaller and smaller. Eventually, it cost more to work than stay at home when you factor in the cost of childcare. 

So I did what any strong woman with an adapt-and-overcome attitude would do. I became a stay-at-home mom - something I said I would never to do, right before I said I didn’t plan on having kids anyway. It’s funny how that all worked out.

Giving up my career to support hubby's career definitely was not part of the plan. This must be what they mean by Commitment. You certainly have to be committed to your spouse and their desire to serve their country to live such an unusual lifestyle.

So instead of jet setting across the U.S. to cover the super bowl and celebrity parties, year after year I am forced to host my own super bowl party from the comfort of my living room. The guests lists consists of two talking children who won't stop asking a million questions about the Cowboys, like "Which uniform color are they wearing?" And, "Did the Cowboys win?" 

There's no doubt their dad has poisoned their little brains to root for His team. But I will give him his fan club of little Cowboy supporters because mommy rules when it comes to all things important in the household. That's right, he has to come to me with the important questions like "Where do we keep the peanut butter?" And he has to hear "That's not how mommy does it," at least once a day. So take that you stinking Cowboys groupies!

It's funny how there more things change, the more they stay the same, like my love for my husband and kids, and the respect that I have for all that he and others like him in the military do for our country.

I know at first I was sounding off like a bit of a complainer, but that's not my intent at all. I guess, I just want to show that no matter how much you try to prep and plan out your future, sometimes life throws you a curve ball and you have to adapt and overcome the changes.

People like to joke that NAVY stands for "Never Again Volunteer Yourself." Despite the ups and downs we've had throughout our life as a military family, if I had to do it all again, I would.