I am not perfect!

I have been on my journey to becoming 40 and fabulous for almost a year and I have learned that life is not just about getting one’s physical self in order.  It’s a spiritual, mental and physical journey.  I have found myself to be successful in some areas and not so successful in others.   There’s no need to name names because past blogs will direct you to my ups and downs.

However, through this journey, self-reflection has certainly become a regular in my thought process, which helped me discover the latest iniquity – I am not perfect.

It’s been a while since my last post, but what can I say?  I am not perfect, which is kind of what today’s blog is about if you haven’t guessed it already.

Meet Me.  I am a wife, a mother of two, sometimes three children, and I am not perfect.  I have friends, very good friends, people who I think are friends, and people who tolerate me for the sake of a loved one. 

My husband has been deployed for more than half of my children’s lives; since my youngest was three.  He is now 10.   

On a break from back-to-back deployments, now he lives four hours away from us.  We see him every other weekend.  If we are lucky, sometimes we get to see him two weekends in a row.

I have a child who is smart, but lacks motivation and direction, which is the nice way of saying lazy.  Sadly, he boasts of this fact and is proud of it.  I have another who is smart, talented and succeeds at almost everything, but lacks confidence.

Lastly, I have a child who I believe is smarter than the other two, but he has Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.  It’s a disorder that many, including those closest to me, believe is figment of my imagination, but is so very real.

Do I blame them for feeling this way?  No, because I used to be one of those people who thought the same way until it happened to me. 

Am I hurt by this?  Yes, because many are friends and family who know me well enough to know this is not something even I would make up for any amount of attention.  This lack of support and daily struggles with my child takes me on a roller coaster of emotional ups and downs. 

Although we may not be a perfect family, we certainly are one good-looking bunch.  Don’t you think?  

I know you are thinking, what does any of this have to do with my journey to being 40 and fabulous, and why am I telling you this? 

I am telling you this because this is the spiritual and emotional component of my journey.  Many of you are secretly thinking, “OMG, I can’t believe she is putting her business on a social media site for all to read.”  I don’t quite see it that way.  This is my way of humbling me before God and those who love me.

 Of course, some people will tell me to my face “You are so brave to put it all out there for all to read,” which translates to “Girl, you are crazy to put your business on the street!  I would never do that.”

Don’t get me wrong, I am not criticizing anyone’s response to the matter because everyone is entitled to their opinion and that’s not what this is about.  No matter what side of the comments you fall on, if sharing my story and revealing my imperfectness means I am helping someone who may be going through all, even one of the things that I am experiencing, then I have done God’s work. 

I am not brave. I am not perfect.  I am scared.  But this is my therapy and what was on my heart when I woke up this morning.  I am scared of the backlash or reaction that I may get from all who read this, but I am choosing to trust in God as he guides me on my journey to being 40 and fabulous.